What if you are in love with someone you shouldn't be?

What happens when you are in love with someone you know you shouldn’t be?

There are many factor’s that go into a relationship…(and yes I believe that love can conquer anything) poverty, failure, time, space…but realisticaly are we able to keep the love ‘alive’ when sometimes we just put it into the ‘too hard basket’…and go on with our lives…because the ‘effort’ we would have to put in would have been too much?

Have we become to complacent or too selfish? We want things now…and if we don’t have the ‘perfect’ relationship ‘right now’ we give up on it.

Imagine loving a guy/girl who you never pictured yourself with.

For some the calm, successful and reliable guy/girl is who you would picture yourself having kids with…right?

For others they need someone completely different.

How do you make a decision to keep the relationship going or to give it up?

The person you fall in love with or have strong feelings for turns up into your life…and you can’t control what you are feeling…yet you know they don’t ‘fit’ your life…and can’t imagine how a relationship could possibly work.

What do we do then?

Divorce rates are through the roof…people ‘grow apart’…excuses are heard all the time as to why it ‘can’t work’.

All I know is…my dad has loved my mum since he was 15…she didn’t accept his love untill they were older…but they have been through everything…coming to a country with 2 kids with no english and no money…surving the death of a child…health problems and everything else. They stuck by each other…

So maybe things can work…if only you have the will power?

hmmm....I kinda like nerds....

I’ve been on my fair share of dates…most I must say were good…some funny…and some just boring.

Here are 10 tips for men.

1. Don’t go Dutch on a date (unless she is a hardcore feminist) Chivalry is not dead. If the woman really insists she pays it probably means she doesn’t really like you and doesn’t want to ‘owe’ you anything.

2. Don’t talk about your failed relationships. We don’t want to know.

3. Don’t talk about how hot your ex/bartender/Jessica Alba is….It’s not a personal insult I know…and you may think it’s interesting conversation..I mean who isn’t interested in hot chicks? Answer: Your date.

4. Dont be a wuss. If she says she can’t do Friday night ask her out on Saturday. Like my friend says “the worst that can happen is that you’ll end up with a new friend.”

5. Confidence. Why do you see unattractive men with hot girlfriends? They ooze confidence…and for a woman who is very attractive. I remember going on a date with a guy who wasn’t really my cup of tea…he was so confident in who he was and persistant…that it made me attracted to him.

6. Compliment her. A complement goes a long way even if she has heard it all before and you don’t want to be ‘that guy’. Do it anyway.

7. Listen to her. Learn about who she is and ask questions.

8. Don’t ’sell’ yourself. She doesn’t care. If you talk about yourself too much she will not like it. A sense of mystery is very appealing to both men and women. I had a date with this guy once…who did not stop telling me how great he was…name dropping the whole time we were at dinner…for fun I told him that I had never finished highschool and was working as a cleaner ( I am an actor afterall)…then proceeded to get asked out by the guy that I was sitting next to! Mind you I never went on a second date…

9. Don’t hide your quirks. If you love Star Trek or collect coins…its not something to hide on the first date. She should like you for you…and accepts your passions…even if it is Gaudi architecture or Railroad books.

10. Don’t be over eager. Be romantic…yes…show you like her…but wait a while before you ask her around to your place or start planning your life together. You know those girls that plan their wedding dress on the first date? Don’t be the male version of them!

HAVE FUN!!!

If you get rejected..who cares? If you find love?Ggreat! At least you will get to know someone with different views, life and experiences to you…you might even learn something!

boys will be boys....

Last night was a very interesting experience.

I went to an Indian restaurant in Double Bay with 6 boys.

What did that entail? Well lots of information about what really goes on ‘when the boys get together’.

The boys or men I should say ranged from 25-35, different professions and all lived in different locations (Eastern suburbs, lower North shore and the Shire). I’m not sure how they were all friends, or how they were all connected.

So Ania…decided to ask some questions about relationships…being the little journalist that I am…

I think women always wonder what men actually talk about to eachother…do they actually talk?

Well yes yes they do talk…a lot of it is joking…and a lot of it is paying each other out…or telling ‘funny’ stories that have happened to them…

“remember that time you tried to do a backflip at that pub? And spilt all the drinks everywhere?”

“remember when we lost two hire cars than had to rent another one to find the other two?”

After the initial session of laughing at my questions and not taking my questions seriously…I got some quotes for all you girls out there.

Andy: “I don’t believe that whole’ if you sleep with the guy on the first night he won’t get into a relationship with you….’every girlfriend I have had…I have slept with her on the first night!”

Mark: “If I sleep with a girl…and then wake up…and want to take her for breakfast…thats how I know.”

What makes a girl girlfriend material?

Jesse: “she has to laugh at my jokes”

Mark: “My friends have to like her”

Joel: “she needs to understand that I need my freedom”

Whats important in a relationship?

Brendon : “Honesty”

Jesse: “Trust”

And last but not least ….

Joel:  ”Well really I just have to find a girl who will put up with me. Isn’t it about women…they are the ones with the checklists!”

And after trying to keep up with ‘the boys’ I drank a tad too much wine… note to self…”Ania you will never be able to keep up with the boys when it comes to drinking…”

And the thing I got out of it…

Boys will always be boys!

The poster says it all…

Rejection, a nine letter word that can make you feel like a bomb has hit you, insecurities can bubble up and your ego can be severely bruised.

After a chat to one of my friends, actually two of my friends that have recently been ‘rejected’ in one form or another it got me thinking about…well…rejection…what it feels like…how to cope with it….and how to come out on top.

Rejection can take many forms…being dumped…not being called up for a second date…not being called at all…its pasty little hands can make your heart turn into a thumping mess.

The obsession of ‘whats wrong with me?’ can overwhelm you like a giant tidal wave hitting you at full force.

It can make you ask questions such as who am I? What did I do wrong? Am I attractive? Am I boring…? The list can continue down the page like a pipe bursting uncontrollably…

I think we have all been there at one stage or another.

The book “He’s just not that into you” hits the target straight on the head. If you haven’t read it…read it…NOW…it will save you time and energy fretting over something you have absolutely no control over.

So friend number one met a guy…they ‘hooked up’ a few times…but the guy never asked her out for dinner…was she a drunken pash…? Probably…did it make her feel as tall as an ant…? definitely….

Friend number two…was engaged…before the wedding the ‘groom’ decided not to marry her…did it shatter her…? So much so that it took years to recover.

I remember getting dumped by my first real love…what did it feel like? Well lets say my ‘rosey’ outlook on life changed to one of self-destruction. How could someone go from loving you to nothing at all?

What was the lesson?

a. Nobody was ever going to hurt me like that again because I wouldn’t let them.

b. I’m now not someone who stresses over relationship dramas…if it’s not ment to be…it’s not ment to be…

Did it make me a bit cynical? Yes I believe it did to some degree…have I ‘loved’ like that again…? I’m not sure. BUT I still believe in love and a fairytale ending so it couldn’t have been such a huge drama right?

But for everyone out there going through the tragic feeling of rejection…remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel…you WILL feel better…it might take time…but I can guarantee you the pain will pass.

Now looking at the more superficial form of rejection…the one that isn’t as deep as being dumped..but just getting ‘brushed’.

All I can say to that…is ‘he’s just not that into you’ and someone out there will be…don’t waste your time convincing someone how great you are because honestly…if they can’t see it…they are not worth your time.

Everyone has their qualities and their downfalls…we all have something special to give…if the person doesn’t appreciate you …it’s their loss not yours!

Keep your chin up and say …”Next…” : )

To start or not to start?

Why is it that timing is everything in a relationship….what if you meet someone who in a perfect world would be ideal for you but the timing is wrong…they have come out of a relationship…you have come out of a relationship…your life might not fit together…they live too far away…you have different work cycles…or just different lives?

Ok maybe you would say “If you are in love with someone you would do everything you can to be with them.” And yes in a perfect world this would be the case…and yes I have done  this on a few occassions…just gave up everything and made my life fit theirs or vice versa…

I had a guy move from New York to be with me….I’ve moved to Melbourne for a guy…after each relationship I have been through my friends are like…”oh Ania…your back…” and in a sense yes I am back…I’m back to figuring out who I am and what I want…previously I wrote about wanting to be single…and when an option of a relationship turned up…I was hesitant..I still am very hesitant and can’t commit full hearetdly…why is this the case?

I was thinking….what is the perfect balance. What makes it work…how do you blend two lives together….the wise have said ‘that it just happens’ but what if you stuff up…and a. don’t take the chance of the relationship because you don’t want to disrupt the life you have created for yourself or b. Jump in and regret it later…because your every day life has been disrupted…or c. Missed out on the best thing in your life…because you thought too much?

Truthfully I have no idea anymore…maybe its a quarter life crisis…maybe we are just selfish…or too needy?

What is the right ingredient…??

Communication is important I know that…

I find relationships get harder as you get older…no body wants to be burnt…and everyone is very causious…and I’m the biggest culprit of that…I go from one extreme to the next….either jump in head first or try to do it all slowly…both tactics havent worked…so what is the middle ground…can someone enlighten me?

women should be women

Last night I spent the night hanging out with a bunch of boys.

It’s funny how girls can pride themselves in ‘being one of the boys’.

Don’t get me wrong…I went to an agricultural highschool (which ment I had to drive tractors, milk cows and shear sheep everyday) and being a ‘girly girl’ would have ment total isolation. I climbed trees…I even went to Thailand with 10 boys because I was the only ‘girl’ that ‘could handle it’.

But if I was to be truthful….I love hanging out with my girlfriends. I love our shopping expeditions. I love getting a manicure and I love having a ‘girls night out’.

Why is it that we try to fit this mould of having to be accepted as a girl who:

a. Isn’t high maintenance ( I love getting flowers, having the car door opened for me and surprises)

b. Isn’t too ambitious. I have found guys freak out when you tell them all your achievements and goals for the future.

c. Isn’t over complicated.

Girls ARE more complicated. Girls LIKE romance. Girls SHOULD be girls.

So in conclusion I think guys should accept that in today’s world; girls could be more successful, make more money and over all be very confident in their own skin…

We are the women of the future.

would you date a journalist?

I came across this article today. I found it very amusing but also very true…BEFORE you date a journalist read the below article : )

5 things you should know before dating a journalist

So, you’ve been eyeing that smart, attractive journalist you’re lucky enough to know personally. You’re intrigued. Your journalist is smart, funny, confident. Visions of Clark Kent taking off the glasses and ripping off his clothes to reveal a perfectly toned body in blue spandex coming to save you run through your head.

Who can blame you? Journalism is a sexy occupation.

But journalists aren’t like the bimbos you usually pick up at the bar. Nor are they the assholes you ladies continually fall for. No, journalists are different beings (which is why you’re attracted to them in the first place), and you should realize — before jumping in — that this isn’t going to be a run-of-the-mill, boring, lame relationship you’re used to.

Here’s what you need to know:

1We can figure things out. Understand, we’re paid to dig deep, find the secrets and wade through bullshit. We can pick up on subtleties, so what you think you are hiding from us won’t be hidden for long. Sure, we’ll act surprised when you eventually tell us you starred in German porn as a freshman in college — but we already knew.

We don’t take shit from anyone, so don’t lie to us or give a load of bullshit. We spend all day separating fact from fiction, listening to PR cronies and dealing with slimy politicians. If you make us do the same with you, you’re just gonna piss us off. And don’t think we’ll be quiet about it. We’ll respond with the vengeance of an Op-Ed page railing against society’s injustices — and we’ll enjoy doing it.

Just tell us the truth. We can handle it.

2At some point, you will be a topic. Either through a feature story or an opinion column, something you do or say will be a subject. Get over it. Consider it a compliment, even if we’re arguing against you in print.

Think about it: we live our lives writing about life. If you’re a part of our life, we’re going to write about you, your thoughts or a subject springing from one of the two.

Don’t be upset when an argument against your adoration of Hillary Clinton turns up on page A4. We’re not directing the writing at you, personally — your ignorance was just our inspiration (there, doesn’t that make you feel better?).

3Yes, we think we’re smarter than you. In fact, we know it. Does that smack of ego? Absolutely — but that confidence is what makes your heart go pitter-patter.

We have a strong, working knowledge of how the world works. That makes us great in conversation. We can delve into the intricacies of zoning laws, local and national politics, where to find the good restaurants, what’s happening with pop culture, where the good bands are playing and more.

But there are pitfalls.

Guaranteed, when you say “towards,” we will automatically say “toward” — “towards” is not a word. We’re not trying to call you dumb (even though you don’t understand the English language), it’s habit. The same will happen when you say “anxious” when you mean “eager” and when you answer “good” when someone asks how you are doing.

We carry ourselves with a certain arrogant air. Embrace it (that’s what attracted you to us in the first place, after all). Don’t be surprised if we’re not impressed when you say, “I’m a writer, too.” No, you are not. The fact that you sit in a coffee shop wearing black while scribbling in your journal does not make you a writer. Nor does the fact that you “wrote some poems in high school” or that one day you want to pen “the great American novel.”

Look, we’re paid to write. Every day. What’s more, our writing matters. It changes opinions, affects decisions and connects people with the world around them.

We’re not spewing our angst or trying to fabricate an aura of creativity. We write about the real world — with real consequences.

Our words go through three or four cranky editors who make us rewrite before it’s printed a few hundred thousand times and distributed all over town. You don’t do that unless you’re confident, even egotistical.

You may have some great journal entries, poems and rudimentary short stories — good for you. Just don’t assume we’ll accept that as on par with what we do (unless you’re really hot, then hell, you’re a better writer than I).

4You’re not less important than the job — the job is just more important than anything else. One doesn’t become a journalist to sit in an office from 9 to 5 Monday through Friday.

We do take our work home. If news is happening, we’ll drop whatever we’re doing — even if it’s with you — to cover it. We’re always looking for stories, so yes, we’ll stop on the street to write something down, interview a passer-by or gather information for a lead.

On that same note, don’t get upset if you call us on deadline suggesting some afternoon nookie and we say, “I’ve got to put the paper to bed first.” That could mean hours from now, but we’ll have plenty of time to put you in bed later.

5You won’t be disappointed. Journalists are intense, driven, passionate folk. We carry those same attributes into our relationships, making it an extremely fun ride well worth the price of admission. Our lives are never boring and each day is different.

If the pitfalls are scaring you away, consider this:

The fact that we’re inquisitive means we’ll listen to you. Even if it does seem like an interview, we’re paying attention to what you have to say (see rule No. 1).

We’ll write about you or your thoughts because you’re an important part of our life and we care about you (see rule No. 2).

Our brains are a great resource. Ever go on a date with an attractive person and wind up wishing you hadn’t because everything they say is just, well, stupid? That’s not going to happen here (see rule No. 3).

Yes, it may seem that we put the job ahead of you, but we’re driven. You’re not with that loser whose life is going nowhere and who’s completely content being mediocre (see rule No. 4).

I found this article here:

http://www.rockmycar.net/2007/05/10/5-things-you-should-know-before-dating-a-journalist/

By Tom Chambers

Do you text well?

The other night we had a girls night out…and as a joke my girlfriend gave my number to the strangest, weirdest guy she could find…as a joke…and said I liked him…mind you I never met the guy…

Now for the funny part…these are a series of text messages I got over a three day period….

Scary Guy Text 1: “Hey Ania how has your week been”

Me Text 1: (thinking its someone I know and haven’t put into my new phone) “Hey who is this?”

Now it gets funny….

Scary Guy Text 2: “Its Neil, you were ….(the place that I was at) on Sunday.

Me: No reply

Scary Guy Text 3: “Ok this is kinda weird now cos you don’t seem to be bothered like! Will I just leave you alone hun?It would be nice if you would let me know haha”

Me: No reply

Scary Guy Text 4: “ok so you dont remember who I am…I was a tall Irish guy sitting near you early in the night. You were with your crowd…you looked really pretty”

Me: No reply

Scary Guy Text 5: “Do you remember at all hun? x Its ok if you don’t! haha”

Me: No reply

NEXT DAY 6am:

Scary Guy Text 6: “Het Ania, good morning. I don’t know what to make of this. To be honest I really liked you from that night. I get the impression your not really interested and don’t really care hahaha unfortunately. So plz tell me if you would prefer me to just stop txting you then. plz just say so like hahah…sorry for the long text so early! I’m fresh at this hour like!”

Me: No reply

Scary Guy Text 7:” Jezz Ania…your a hard one to figure out hahaha lol”

Me: No reply

Scary Guy text 8: “Well Mrs what u reckon? I’m starting to feel like a stalker or sumtin here : )”

Me: No reply

NEXT DAY:

Scary Guy text 9: “Yo mama wat up lol”

Me: No reply

Scary guy text 10: “Hav u a boyfriend? coz I have a girlfriend, so wateva like!”

THE END…

Do these people really exist? Has this guy never a. learnt how to spell. b. realise this is harassment c. Never read ‘The Game’

A stalker…yes yes you were… and for the record my girlfriend got in a lot of trouble…although it was pretty entertaining!

When should women get married?

So my mum keeps nagging about the fact I have no serious intentions to marry…YET.

I caught up with one of my childhood best friends who was younger than me, she is married and already has a 9 month old baby and I don’t even have a boyfriend.

Why is there all this pressure for women to marry. I’m 26…and personally I don’t feel ready for marriage and right now don’t think I even want a serious relationship. Ok maybe just maybe I would contemplate a relationship…but I’m in a place right now that I have stuff to do…like have a career and travel…and I want to do it my way. I don’t want to compromise. That sounds selfish I know, but it’s just where I’m at.

So the question remains….when should women marry?

I think it’s a personal choice for every woman. My best friend is very happily married and they suit each other. For me, I have changed so much in the past 5 years….how much more am I going to change in the next 5 years…and what does that mean in terms of who I find attractive?

In 2000, Good Morning America did a segment on the ideal time to get married.  It seems for women the age is 32, which is also the year she hits her sexual peak.  The philosophy behind this stated that at 32, a woman has finally come into her own, confident in who she is and she makes choices based upon fact rather than fantasy. At 32 she is still open to new ideas, but steadfast enough that she is not easily fooled or manipulated.  The segment went on to explain that after 35 it is very difficult for a man or woman to marry because by that point, both are so set in their ways, compromise, an essential element to successful cohabitation is difficult to achieve.

See when I think about my parents…they were married at 24..had their first child at 26…thats my age…but I have this theory that todays 30-year-old is equivalent to a 20-year-old and so forth…thus I have plenty of time to think about grown up stuff when the time comes…because technically I’m 16…

What do we want?

I hate and love being single…I’m torn between wanting to fall in love and just loving the fact that I am free and everyday is a new experience when I can meet someone new…

I was talking to my girlfriends recently (we are in the age range of 24-30) and I must say that a lot has changed in the past 20 years. My friends are dating younger guys, many have broken off their long-term relationships and everyone doesn’t know what they actually want when it comes to a relationship….

Firstly, everyone wants to fall in love. Have that soul mate like relationship that lasts forever. Isn’t that what we search for? There is a reason why every girls favourite film is ‘The Notebook’.  But see… I think we want it all….we want a best friend, a lover, someone who stands up to us and stimulates us intellectually…

So untill this person is found we don’t want to settle for someone that fits 80% of what we want…so then…is it just fun that we are looking for? Someone to flirt with? This whole Cougar phenomenon is just that…woman want to enjoy themselves right now…

But then again…whats the point of that? If you don’t ‘date’ someone how will you know what they are like and whether they fit into what you want.

I don’t want to date…I wish prince charming just existed and turned up on my doorstep…but then again….meeting new people is always a lot of fun….

Like I said….we don’t know what we want!